It's almost June now, and still no job. We've paid tithing twice now, both of which times it bounced in our bank account. I am going through some personal trials with the church right now, and I am frustrated with how things are going. Money is flying out the window (despite not having to pay rent), and we are running out of options. Despite living with the in-laws, we still don't have daycare available (county won't pay for daycare if we live with the providers). I'm applying everywhere and nothing is coming up. It's hard to stay strong when you're praying, reading your scriptures diligently (as to not having read them before), and going to church alone (because Ian is now working 3-4 Sunday's a month, missing all of church).
On top of all of this, we also have a trip to UT coming up in July. I have a family reunion on my side and we're going to research housing expenses and availability of income. Our other option is IA which we'll research in November. Our savings account is draining (due to having to dip into it every 2 weeks just to get by because Ian's income is less than our bills all together), and i'm running out of faith. We can't afford for Ian to be off for a week of unpaid vacation with no money coming in, and then pay for gas to go to UT for a week. We can't move in 7 months with no money in savings account.
The most frustrating thing, is that we're not even paying all our bills. We pay cell phone (so we can keep in touch with friends and family, because we don't have a home phone), storage (that's where all our stuff is), 5 credit card bills (one of them we pay, because it went to the attorney, the other 4 are in collections), gas for our van, car insurance, and we also pay Ian's mom and dad for the difference in utilities (normally about $30/mo). We still have 3 more credit card bills that we don't pay (no money), and we have a student loan (from me in 2003), and a car loan from the Honda (I totaled it in 2009 so I stopped paying it). I'm sick of living like this every day. I wake up trying not to be depressed but have no idea how my day will go.
I've tried to do Pampered Chef, and was going strong until January, and then I hit a dead end and haven't had a show since then. I don't know that many people that want to host a show. They're either too shy or their place is too small, or they're worried about who would come and who wouldn't, etc. So many excuses and I don't push it. I figured it would be a money maker, since more people are cooking at home. I guess if you have a good network of people then you can succeed.
Well, off to take the kids to the park. I guess I'll finish my thoughts later.
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I'm sorry that so many things aren't going well for you. One thing I've noticed is that the more I try to do things right, the more Satan tries to drag me down...I know that probably doesn't do much to make you feel better, but perhaps knowing that other people experience it too (you are SO not alone!) will give you a bit of comfort. It sounds like you are doing everything that you need to be doing...just keep doing it! I know it's rough, but just keep repeating this mantra in your head: "Heavenly Father will not give me more than I can handle." It may seem that way sometimes, but if you keep doing the things that you are doing, it WILL be okay (especially praying...this is a trial of your faith...open your heart to Heavenly Father and listen to the guidance that He is giving...remember that He may have a different path mapped out for you than you have planned...He loves you! You are HIS daughter, and He will not forsake you). I love you Jenn, and I will continue to pray for you and Ian (as well as your little family).
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